Winter Wonderland, My Ass.

I never realized how much I hate snow until I lived in California, where snow as something you drove to Lake Tahoe to see, not something that came to you when you wanted it least. And so, as this winter approached, I was filled with a sense of dread.

The weather in this area of Germany is so rotten that you actually have a hard time settling on just what about it is worst. Is it the dampness? Or the fact that the sun sets at 4:00 in December? Is it the cloudy greyness? Or the sheer freezing friggin' coldness in the winter? I still haven't decided.

All I know is it started snowing on Sunday and we have had high temperatures in the teens this week. I cannot even motivate myself to go to a Christmas market when it is 5 degrees outside. There is not enough Gluehwein in the world...seriously.

So I am hibernating. Perhaps that isn't the best idea for someone who needs people and chatter and laughter as much as I do, but I haven't had a better idea yet. We are eating whatever we have in the cabinets (Pasta with peanut butter, anyone?) and peering through the windows, waiting for Spring.

Back by popular demand

That's right, I resisted as long as I could, but the fans were begging, so I decided to start posting again...

(All right, truth be told, Kate mentioned this blog in a Facebook comment, and I jumped at the chance to get it up and running again. )

It is funny, but no matter how often I've moved, I am still always really knocked over by the end of the honeymoon phase, where you realize that the move is (semi-)permanent, and the novelty has worn off. I have been in a major funk the last couple of months trying to wrap my head around being (stuck) here in Germany again, and I hope that I am coming out the other side of it now.

But really, how can I not love a country that gives you so much choice and selection... if you don't want the pig ears (left), go for the feet (right).

Not the Bill Murray Version.

As a native Pennsylvanian, it is my destiny to find out that every single thing I grew up with is actually German. The German versions are often more dour and darker and inevitably somehow connected to Christianity or something fried in grease. That is why you can get donuts on Fastnacht Day (Shrove Tuesday), just like in Pennsylvania. Considering that Fastnacht is the day before Lent starts on Ash Wednesday, this one actually combines both the God and grease factors.

Sometimes it is great to share so much with German culture. I can hardly express my joy at finding a little treat called Strauben at a Volksfest here. My friends were trying to explain what it was to me before we ordered one and my German was still relatively shaky, but slowly but surely I realized that they were talking about funnel cake. O.M.G. The horrible thing is I can hardly remember anything else about that day, but the Strauben has stayed with me.

But how can that most Pennsylvanian of Pennsylvanian "holidays" actually be German?!? Today I was trying to explain Groundhog's Day to my in-laws and they informed me that the holiday is both from Westerwald and actually Catholic. Oh yes, and the actual animal should actually be a badger, and not a groundhog at all.

But on this, the 32nd day of snowfall in the last 33 days, I didn't care that my illusions of a truly American "holiday" were being blown to pieces, because they told me that if it is snowy on February 2nd, it means spring is right around the corner. I might be grasping at straws here, but this is the best news I have gotten in a long, long while.

"Ist’s an Lichtmess hell und rein, wird ein langer Winter sein.
Wenn es aber stürmt und schneit, ist der Frühling nicht mehr weit."

As I write this, it is snowing AGAIN. There is so much snow here in town that they are actually filling construction vehicles with it and hauling it out and dumping it onto the surrounding fields. Our car has not been moved since Saturday, and I don't expect to drive this week at all. It is literally the only thing anyone is talking about, this winter of the century.


And despite the wild animals, the whole date is actually Christian, celebrating the day Mary and Joseph presented Baby Jesus at the temple. How the rodents got involved is beyond me.

Happy Badger Day everyone!

You Could Ski Cross-Country On That Thing!

ZDF, the second public TV channel in Germany, built itself a new studio for its news team. The first time I saw it, the desk seemed so big, I thought it might just be virtual, like Pixar had programmed something to add it into the shots. But no, after some Internet research, I found out that this is real. That is some desk. Knowing that it cost thirty million Euro to build and remembering that we pay those lovely GEZ fees every month to pay for public radio and television here (about 18 Euro a month per person or married couple) kind of made me want to drive over there and carve off my share of it ;)

"But That Sounds Like A Beautiful Woman's Name!"

...that is how a former ESL student of a friend of mine's reacted to hearing that "Durchfall" is called "diarrhea" in English. How could such a wonderful word describe such a horrible thing?

And why the hell was this guy trying to talk about his bout of diarrhea in front of complete strangers, in the first place?

I thought long and hard about posting this one, but let me tell you, these people are leaving me NO CHOICE.

When our flight landed in Frankfurt after an eleven-hour flight, we were greeted by my in-laws at the airport. My first question was, "How are you?", to which my mother-in-law answered, "I'm fine but Joachim has stomach problems. He had diarrhea all night long." My father-in-law continued with a huge smile, "That's right! I drank too much last night and now I have been on the toilet all day! As soon as I get off, I need to go right back!"

Oh, ok. Thanks for sharing.

I'm always told that Americans don't really CARE how you are when they ask you. In my case, that's not true, I am just not all that interested in hearing the details of what kind of stomach problems you are having and its symptoms.

Unfortunately, whatever my father-in-law had apparently wasn't from too much beer, since it hung around for another three full days. I know that exactly since the patient gave us complete updates at least three times a day, usually at mealtimes. (I know.) And then he passed it onto my husband, meaning not only does my husband keep me very well informed about all of it (unfortunately), but whenever we get together with his parents, they interrogate him about what he has eaten, how often he's been to the john since they saw him last, with or without stomach cramps, if he is drinking enough, etc. After the interrogation, it turns into analysis, then they begin with the advice. Again, all of this is taking place at mealtimes.

A few days ago, I mentioned the fact that the cream of mushroom soup wasn't tasting great because of the conversation, and all three of them looked at me like I was speaking Swahili.

(By the by, I wish I was exaggerating, I swear I am not! My most overused phrase of the week is, "I really don't want to know!")

After ten days, Christoph is feeling slightly better (although he did inform our waitress of his stomach issues when she offered him brandy tonight), so I hoping this too shall pass. I haven't gotten sick. And if I do, I won't tell a soul. ;)

Overheard in Germany

"It's impossible to get sick when the sun is shining you know. Rainy weather makes you sick. That and drafts, of course."
-My father-in-law

(Laurie: He didn't mention kidneys. I am sure it was an oversight.)

A brisk walk never hurt anyone.

You know that myth about how living in warm weather areas thins out your blood, leaving you unable to deal with the cold? Well, I believe it now.
But in a country where the sun doesn't shine as much as it should, a sunny day means you take a walk, even if it is 20 degrees. I admit that it was lovely, but I was freezing my behind off.
Rebecca doesn't seem to have that thinned-out blood.
She was supposed to be posing for a photo, and off she went, running across this snow-covered field.

This morning, we are going to tour the house we rented sight unseen. Cross your fingers for us that it is as nice as we hope. The landlord is being kind enough to give us the keys now although we aren't moving in until our stuff gets here sometime in February. If life here in BFE doesn't get a little more exciting, I might be camping out there ;)

Enough already!

I gave German radio another try this morning, and they hit me with some more Lionel Richie. It is like Groundhog Day here. Arrrrgh!

Currently on the German version of QVC...

...they are selling canned meat products which looks like cat food.
Yummy.

It took all of two days...

...for someone in this country to inform me that I do not speak English. No, sir. I speak "American", which he was then helpful enough to define as a "slang of real English".

Wow, all that time I wasted learning English, when I obviously just needed to learn that silly American. Good to know.

Breaking News: It's Still Freezing

It's pretty but oh-so-cold. One of us is loving it though.Did you notice that I took the picture from the inside? :)

Although, she did spend the rest of the day like this:
I hope you are all staying warm!

Christoph is cold.

You wouldn't know he grew up here, he has been completely Californized.

You would be surprised, but that is actually more than I needed to know about ladybugs.

Rebecca's preschool class in Mountain View were the Marienkaefer/Ladybugs, so today we picked up a German book for her all about ladybugs, for ages 3+. We have books from the same series about airports and preschool, and they are really cute, describing the world around us in a way that is engaging for children but doesn't talk down to them.

When we sat down to read it, I ran into this, right there on page five:

Yep, innocently hidden behind a drawing of a flower is a little picture of a pair of ladybugs going at it. Well thanks, children's book illustrator, but that is a little bit too much information. Good thing your friend children's book author was kind enough to print the explanation on the inside of the flap. It says something like, "Ladybugs' backs are really slippery, so the male has to hold onto the female's back really well to copulate."

Exceeeellent.

For those of you have never seen it, here is another great link to a 1970's European book.

Snow is less cold on photos

This was the view out of Rebecca's window at my in-laws house this morning. No wonder she doesn't want to do anything but hang out with Oma and Opa, go sledding and take walks in the woods. Can't blame her.

Liar, liar!

On our first full day here in Germany, we ran into tons of Denglish, which is English used in Germany to seem cool and market to Germans which often has little to do with actual English.

Laurie, can you remember what Esprit used to have on its window in Duesseldorf? Something to the effect of "The planet is my world." Or these beauties from Tchibo: baking mitts that say "Eat & Style" on them. Colonia Insurance has this ad with the slogan "The future. Together. Now." Umm, all right. I get it, you speak the English. Sort of.

Usually it makes me chuckle or scratch my head, but this one case was different. We were in a cafe, and I ordered a Latte Macchiato and found the following on my plate.

Yay! Cookies, right? How great is that? Plural cookies!

And I opened it up, and there was one single individual lonely cookie inside.

The German word for cookie is "Keks" which obviously means that the Germans prefer their word for cookie to look plural, even if there is only one actually inside. But does no one think of the poor folks right off a long plane ride who speak better English than Denglish? We all just got cheated out of at least one cookie!

I might have to call the Better Business Bureau on them. It is probably called the Better Business Buero here.

(And yes, the cookie was delicious, and I have indeed heard the story about not looking a gift horse in the mouth)

Counting My Blessings #1: Our Temporary Digs

I am sure that this blog will have its fair share of negative posts (ok, let's be realistic: most likely more than its fair share). But as Day 2 of Operation Deutschland dawns, I have decided to be a little more positive. (Don't get used to it, adoring fans... all three of you.)

Until our container full of stuff arrives, we will be staying in Christoph's deceased grandmother's home, right down the road from his parents' house. I have described this as the place with the dust or the place that his parents can look right into from their house. I have told you about the thin walls and the yippy dogs next door.

But today I am more than grateful for our own little house, which my mother-in-law cleaned and stocked for us, from the Diet Coke in the fridge to the fresh toothbrushes in the bathroom. We have a hair dryer and oil in the tank, cable TV and freshly-made beds. There is a 24/7 babysitter right up the road and I have spent the last 18 hours napping while someone else tends to Hurricane Rebecca.

For that, I am truly thankful.

Sirius radio, don't fail me now!

I have always been amazed by those stars who manage to fade out of the limelight at home but remain mega-superstars in Germany. We are not talking about David Hasselhoff here, but actual musicians and actors who have somehow managed to remain big in Europe while fading into obscurity (more or less) in the US.

So it was very fitting that THIS was the first song I heard on German radio today.
World. Superstar. Lionel. Richie.

That was how I always referred to him when I lived here before, as "World Superstar Lionel Richie", all because the Germans still show the man such love, you would think he was Elvis. He has new albums here every couple of years, is guaranteed prime time appearances just for showing up, is showered with love and affection, adored by his masses of German fans.

In the United States, we call him "Nicole Richie's Dad".

That was followed by Robbie Williams (the only person Jessica Simpson has covered and done a better job than the original) and then it happened.

"JUNGLE DRUM" came on.
Yes, THAT "Jungle Drum", one of those songs that makes you wonder if the singer is serious.
It was number one here and on the charts for 18 weeks in 2009.

EIGHTEEN weeks.

And trust me, the Germans weren't trying to be funny when they bought all those CDs and downloads, they really dig this song.

Thank all that is holy for Sirius Radio online! :)

All of us have baggage. Some people just carry prettier suitcases than others.

I think this picture I took this morning at the airport in Frankfurt says a lot about this move. Bags strewn everywhere, no matching luggage, no idea how to get it all on carts, purse unattended, kid in public in her pj's, camped out next to a trash can.

To quote Kate Gosselin (God help us): "It's a crazy life, but it's OUR life."